News Roundup for 8/31/11
-Headline of the Day-
"Sarah Palin Appearance at Tea Party Rally in Iowa ‘No Longer Confirmed.’"
There was going to be a big tea party rally in Iowa Saturday. Or maybe there isn’t. Who even knows?
See, here’s what happened: Sarah Palin was going to show up for this thing, but then she found out Christine O’Donnell was going to be there too. Christine’s selling this big important book nobody wants, so she’s like all over the place lately. So Sarah sees that Christine’s on the bill and she’s all like, “No way! She’s younger and prettier and — let’s face it — crazier than I am! No way am I going to get upstaged by that witch!”
Which is totally unfair, because Christine is famously not a witch.
Anyway the ‘baggers had to boot Christine or Sarah wasn’t going to show. That was final. So they did. Or maybe they didn’t. It’s all very confusing. Sarah’s saying that the organizers have lied to her. I guess she found out that Christine was going to pop out of a cake and surprise everyone with sparklers or something while Sarah did her big dance routine. I’m guessing. I don’t have the details. Just piecing stuff together from the info I have, like Sherlock Holmes.
Of course, Sarah cancelled. And then she didn’t cancel. And then her appearance was “on hold.” She might even throw together a different shindig someplace else just to show up that snotty little witch. Who knows? It’s all very indefinite and up in the air and crazy right now. And the ‘bagger group, Tea Party of America, is already out $100,000 whether anything happens or not.
You know, it’s organizational skills like this that got us the S&P downgrade. These people couldn’t put together a peanut butter sandwich without incurring a death toll. (Wall Street Journal)
GOP frontrunners as characters from The Simpsons.
Click to embiggen
Amazingly accurate. (Reddit)
"Dim Michele Bachmann Wants To Drill Everglades For Oil That Isn’t There."
That’s right, Shelly’s energy policy is just poke holes wherever you think there might be oil and screw those crazy geologists who want to dictate to Everyday Americans where there is or isn’t oil. Science is our enemy! (Wonkette)